I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
