Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
