i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
