How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Who died my cat blue again?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
