New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Randomize
