She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
