Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
