I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
