i permit you to call me
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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