hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I didn't notice because vodka
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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