Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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