You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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