from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
