can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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