Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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