You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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