You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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