Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
