Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
