my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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