These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Randomize
