U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
