Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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