Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
