make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
