How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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