Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
