So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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