remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
