gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
