We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
