a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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