can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
