He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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