i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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