mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
