I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
