also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
