What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
