that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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