y did u give ur computer a hand job?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
