The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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