it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
foreskin is a definite game changer
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
This toilet bowl is my home.
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