my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
