then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
