U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
