I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
