I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
