I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
