Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
