you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
