pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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