Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
