God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
