Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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